Wednesday, February 01, 2006

From the Journals of Dr Helmut Kremp

We have taken aboard a rather peculiar specimen, fished from the waters last night by the crew as they were engaged in their customary ablutions. Roused from a dream in which my breeches were being torn apart to construct an escape balloon, I came on deck to see a large creature being hauled from the ocean by ropes and pulleys.
I approached warily, lantern held aloft.
More lamps were lit and the beast came into full view. It was unlike anything I had seen before in my travels, and must say my heart beat with the excitement of a dervish as I ordered the creature brought to my cabin for further examination.

There under watchful eye of Dr Kipling, I made the first incision…

"Ouch you cut me!" cried the doctor. My nerves were shattered of course, by lack of sleep, nervousness and alcohol deprivation.
"Yes." I replied, oblivious. "Its like something out of Blake, or the novels of Craighton Knight."
I cut further. I was taking a wax recording on my repaphone too, for future reference.

(Chunky Cutting sound) Voice of Dr Kremp: There appears to be at least four limbs, a stout snout and a gentleman in his late thirties - (sharp cry)
Voice of Dr Kipling: By the forked tongue of Lucifer!
Unidentified Voice: Ahhh, where am I?! Am I in hell? Ah God help me!
Dr Kremp: J-just relax please. You’re aboard the HMS Warham. Now would you be so kind as to explain your presence in the bowels of this creature?
Unidentified Voice: I was swallowed whole! By this demon of the sea! This surreal nightmare of purelent flesh and incisors! This great shambler from the outer limits of the vortex!
Dr Kipling: But how did this occur?
Unidentified Voice: I was researching my next book and I fell in.

Recording ends.


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